One of me, FOUR of YOU!

It feels like I'm constantly being pulled in a million different directions every day. I feel like I'm stuck on repeat as I keep telling my kids, "there's only one of me and FOUR of you". I know they don't yet understand why Mama can't change their diaper, refill their drink, snuggle or hold them right this second.

I feel terrible when I have to choose which request is most important. I want my Children to all feel important to me always! This is such a hard season since I'm nursing Adee and thus can't just put her down and plop a bottle into her mouth, not that I would do that anyway. I get so frustrated having to decide if I should stop nursing Adee to change a diaper or tickle a tummy of one of my older kiddos. I just pray that they feel my love all the time. I try my hardest to get in good quality time with each of my kids and take notice when one of them is having an especially clingy day - that's my cue to try a little harder! I just pray for grace to make it through the days alone with all four of them! The housework will probably be pushed to the wayside because the dust bunnies can wait while I'm loving on my Babies!

Major Mama Meltdown

I've been struggling with my emotions a lot the last few weeks/months. I'm very exhausted all the time, even after sleeping a full 7-8 hours each night. I find myself getting frustrated over silly things and have zero patience for my children. In turn I'm frustrated with myself and then sad. I'm just really overly emotional. I figure part of it is because my body is tired from either pregnancy or breastfeeding for the past 4 years straight. It's a lot of work and my body is having a hard time keeping up. I am concerned that it's partly perinatal depression as well but am keeping open lines of communication with my family so as to avoid any issues. Yesterday started out good. Naptime is when things went down hill quickly. Some days my boys will go to sleep without a single word and other days, like yesterday, they flat out refuse to sleep and instead make a huge mess. I let them stay in their room yesterday because they were quietly singing and talking/giggling with each other. Turns out they were actually breaking into their closet, which we keep locked to prevent them from destroying it. They emptied all the clothes off the shelves they can reach and then proceeded to climb onto the next shelf. I'm feeling overwhelmed with life as it is and just snapped when I saw the mess. There's a family history of abuse or taking discipline too far and I'm aware of these tendencies. So, I shut their closet doors and closed them back in their bedroom so I could take a minute to breathe. After a few minutes to cool down, bad idea, I went back in to begin clean up; only to find them back in the closet up on the shelf. I again lost it and didn't even know what to do. I brought them out of their room and tried to explain why it wasn't ok to do what they had done. I was so frustrated and could feel my blood beginning to boil. I had a full blown Mama Meltdown! My Husband graciously came home from work so I could escape for a few hours. I needed that time to refocus and remember they're only 3 and 2. They are children and are still learning. We've discussed implementing Mama's day, or few hours, off to save sanity but never really put it into practice. I think that's going to have to change. I will need to be my own advocate and ask for the time off. I need to take the time off and get away. It will make everyone happier and healthier if Mama is balanced and relaxed. I had been going on nightly walks, 2-4 miles long, and that was helping. Due to storms and the kids going to bed late I had missed the walks for almost a week and that was obviously too long. I need to make that a priority I now see! How often do you take time off to get away without kiddos? What do you do during your time off?

Day 1 of TV FREEDOM!

So yesterday, Monday, was day 1 of our week free from TV. Here's an overview of how our day went: The boys slept in until about 8:00am, which was nice! Upon waking I made them breakfast, which they never really eat. We played with lego's for about half an hour and then switched to train tracks and trains for another 30 minutes or so. Around 10:00am we headed outside to play. We stayed out in the back yard playing in the pool's and sprinkler until about 11:30, when we came inside for lunch time. Lunch was eaten around noon. After lunch is always nap time, so we made it half way through our day being TV FREE! Here's where the day goes SOUTH! The boys didn't take a nap, instead the broke into their closet and completely emptied all of the shelves and then proceeded to climb on the shelving. I had a meltdown and ended up escaping for a few hours. The boys took their nap, thanks to their Daddy, while I was gone. I got back and started on dinner where the TV was turned on, not by me, but I didn't even notice it right away....that's how commonplace TV has become in this house. They watched one half hour show. We had supper and then went swimming at the beach. Ok, so they did watch ONE show and that's more than I had wanted BUT it was a rough day for me emotionally, another post more about that, and I had help from Daddy who didn't know we were trying to go TV free. I think all-in-all it was a success. Today is a different story since it's raining. I'm hoping home-made playdoh will keep them busy for a few hours, plus more lego's, trains, dinosaur's, reading and hopefully successful nap time!

Potty training WOES!

Jacobi is 3.5 years old. He's intelligent in so many ways. He's funny, kind, energetic, he's all boy! I've been working with Cobi, to get him potty trained, for quite some time now. It seems like he's trained and then he has another seizure and ends up reverting back to diapers. I'm so frustrated and am not sure how to go about potty training him completely. He knows when he needs to use the toilet. He knows how to go on the toilet. He knows how to "hold it". I'm just not sure how to get him back to using the toilet consistently after he's had another seizure. I don't want to rush him, yet I know he's capable of no longer wearing diapers. I guess I should just jump back in and get him going on the toilet again. It's just so frustrating to see him take 1 step forward and then 4 steps back. The other part of the problem is that he's never had a bowel movement on the toilet. He'll urinate in the toilet great but has never poo'd in the toilet, always in his underwear. I'm thankful he'll still have bowel movements vs. holding it in but I just don't know how to get him to do that in the toilet. He gets a small treat, usually an M&M for urinating and he knows he'll get 2 M&M's for poo but still goes in his underwear. I'm not quite sure how to stop this habit. Lord, give me wisdom to know how to get this child to poo on the pot!!! If you've got any tips I'm all ears! Please share with me how you got your little ones potty trained! Micah is next up and Shaelyn isn't far behind! I'm hoping they'll be easier since they get to watch their big brother. Shaelyn already sits on the little kiddie toilet anytime we're in the bathroom. We'll see how long it takes her to pick it up! Thank you Lord for wisdom!

Freedom from addiction!

I definitely went overboard with the Facebook craze. I enjoyed the outside, adult contact that came with spending time on Facebook. I was always checking up on friends, family and acquaintances. Problem is, I'm not exaggerating, I was literally on Facebook all the time. I would go minutes off of Facebook and feel like I needed to check it again. It became a consuming addiction in my life. It prevented me from giving my children my full attention. It kept me from doing my household responsibilities. It kept me up late at night and it was the first thing I though of doing in the morning. It was really bad! So, I made a commitment to God, myself and my family to get off of Facebook. I couldn't break the addiction simply by not going onto the website so I deactivated my account and didn't look back. Now, I admit that it was not easy for the first few days. I kept picking up my phone or iPad to go check on people, realizing I no longer had a Facebook and I promised to keep it that way! I pleaded with God to make it an easy transition and to give me the strength to break free! After the first three or four days it was no longer a big deal. I play with my children more! I am able to keep up with the housework better! I feel way less Mama guilt and I'm more at peace with life! My priorities are back in the right order once again. I'm not sure if I'll ever get a Facebook account again, but if I do it won't be for a long time! I figure if people truly care about me they can e-mail, text, call, you know....contact like it used to be?!? Facebook created fake relationships that didn't ever measure up to anything in real life. While it was fun to keep connected and up to date on what everyone was doing, it was literally sucking the life out of myself and my family. Please know, I'm not blaming Facebook to any degree. I let it take over my life and become a consuming addiction. I did this to myself and allowed it to control my every waking moment. I take full responsibility for my choices and have taken the steps I needed to break free from this addiction! Thank you Lord for grace to make it through these stupid decisions I've made!! I'm sharing this to give you the courage to admit if you have any addictions. Know that you can break free! God will give you what you need to find freedom once again! Regardless of the addictions, Facebook, porn, food, etc...you can regain control of your life once again!!! Thank you Lord for grace!

Shoot the TV?

Something that's been weighing on me a lot lately is how much TV is viewed in our home, especially by my children. I really hate how much TV they watch everyday. I've gotten us into this terrible habit of immediately turning on the TV when they wake up so I can make breakfast. Then they watch more TV after coming in from being outside so I can make lunch. Nap is followed up by more TV and a snack. And then after playing outside, more TV while I make dinner, usually followed by a bedtime show. See what I'm saying? It adds up so quickly and I literally get sick thinking about it. I always said I wouldn't let my kids watch TV period and yet, look how much they do watch it. So, I'm placing our TV under a blanket, literally, and vowing to not turn on the television at all next week! A full week, Monday - Friday, since we don't watch as much on the weekends because we're out running errands and I have more help. I'm praying for the grace and endurance to get through the week! It really seems scary to me because we're so used to it. I know like any bad habits or routines, they just need broken and replaced with better habits. So, I've created/modified the schedule we used when I ran my in-home childcare and we'll be following that. If you have any creative activities I can add that will help keep our minds off television and our bodies and brains working, I'm all ears! Here is the basic schedule we will try to stick to: 7:00am (Man they wake up early!) Change diapers & get dressed 7:30am Free play, while Mom makes Breakfast - we have a gazillion toys they can choose from to play with! 8:00am Breakfast & Clean Up 8:30am Free Play, while Mom does dishes and laundry 9:00am Walk to & Play at the Park! 11:00am Walk home 11:30am Free Play, while Mom makes lunch 12:00pm Lunch Time 12:30pm Clean Up, Diaper Changes, Nap routine 1:00pm - 3:00pm NAP - Mom can nap or clean 3:00pm Diaper changes, snack prep, head outside 3:30pm - 5:00pm Outside Free Play - swimming, chalkboard art, sand fun, etc 5:00pm Arts & Crafts, while Mom cooks Dinner - Can be painting, play-doh, coloring books, etc 6:00pm Dinner & Clean Up, Dishes 7:00pm Outside Bonfire or Free Play 8:00pm Bath Time 8:30pm Read Together 9:00pm BED TIME! I'm hoping I can keep up with this schedule and avoid the TV. Please pray for us, seriously! Please send me any creative idea's you use with your children to keep them entertained. I plan on trying out GAK and utilizing Pinterest as much as I can! I'm also hoping the schedule will give me more energy since I'll know what's coming next vs always trying to do things spur of the moment with Irish Triplets!

Prayers for the homeless

The kids had a visit with their pediatrician today to check up on some bugs they've been dealing with. On the way home we passed a homeless woman on the side of the road. My oldest asked who she was and why she was standing there. So I tried my best to explain that she's having a hard time with life right now. I offered him the chance to pray for her suggesting he include a good job, home, food and freedom from any addictions she may have. His prayer brought tears to my eyes. He's only 3 years old and is already so tuned into the Lord. He truly enjoys lifting up other's in prayer! He's the true epitome of child-like faith. Whenever I'm feeling ill or tired he'll ask, "Jesus, heal Mama, AMEN". He then immediately expects me to feel 100% again. He knows that Jesus said He would heal so we will be healed. I think I need to have more of than child-like faith that believes beyond a shadow of a doubt, that whatever I ask for in prayer will be granted! Thank you Lord for the heart of my children who are constantly teaching me how to seek you more feverantly!

Patty Cake Baby!

Shaelyn playing patty cake!

Lunches for Irish Triplets

Someone recently asked me what I feed my children to ensure they are all healthy and growing as they should. So I figured I would write out a few of the guiding principles we live by, or at least try to! 1) We give at least 1 fruit and 1 veggie per meal. I love my sectioned plates that make it easy to divide out fruits and veggies for each child. 2) We give a yogurt or probiotic supplement at lunch time, or dinner if we miss it at lunch, every single day. Your body's health begins in your gut and you need the good bacteria that probiotics supply. 3) We greatly limit sugar as much as possible. We go as far as to ask family NOT to give candy, chocolate, etc to our children even on special occasions like Easter, Christmas, Birthday's, etc. Your immune system is compromised for 3-4 hours after eaten one small piece of sugary anything. 4) We offer only fruit or vegetables as snacks. They can have an apple, grapes, celery, carrots, etc. No chips, cookies, etc. We also try to keep snack time far enough away from meal time, and small enough in portion size, to ensure they'll be hungry enough to eat their whole meals. 5) We limit pre-made, boxed, processed and fake foods as much as possible. I hate feeding my children boxed mac 'n' cheese. I try to only buy boxed anything if I can read every ingredient on the label. 6) We use whole wheat whenever possible. Whole wheat bread, whole wheat pasta's, whole wheat cereals, etc. White Bread, Rice, Sugar, it all decreases your immune system. 7) We buy organic as much as possible. We don't have a limitless budget but try to stick to the Dirty Dozen and Clean 10. The dirty dozen are always purchased organic and the clean 10 are organic as much as that week's budget allows. 8) We're not members of the clean plate club. When our children say they're full, they can be done. However, if we're having any dessert after said meal, they only get the sweet treat if they've cleaned their plates. We want mostly nutrient dense foods filling their bellies! 9) We offer choices. "Do you want strawberries or Grapes, Green Bean's or Broccoli"? If the kids feel like they've had a say in the foods they'll be more likely to consume them! 10) Finally: my biggest tip! Eat what you want them to eat! Sit down with your children while they're eating and eat when you are asking them to eat. We say 1 bite to be polite. Even if I don't like peas, which I don't, I still try at least one good spoonful and ask the same of them. If they see me eating cookies, candies, etc and not eating the fruits and veggies, they won't want to eat them either!!!

Knee dislocation and ER visit

On Sunday we took the kiddos to the MN Zoo to play in the splash pad and see the new dinosaur exhibit. We had a great time, even though it was insanely HOT! The kids loved splashing in the water and are thoroughly enjoying their dinosaur toys their Oma bought them at the exhibit. We were getting everybody dressed in dry clothes when I was struck from behind with the car door, thanks to a great breeze. My right knee cap dislocated and was on fire. I've had problems with my knee's dislocating for years now so I just iced it when we got home. However, knee's are pretty painful when they've taken a trip outside of their normal location. So, needless to say, the night was spent with me on the couch and my Husband, Mom & Sister tending to the children. I felt awful not being able to help with my normal responsibilities. Roll onto Monday and half way through the day I start feeling faint and like I might pass out. I end up in the Urgency Room to have some tests run to rule out my SVT causing the problems. After a few hours in the UR, some IV fluids, and a shot of Zofran I was able to sit up without feeling as though the room was spinning. I was just told to take it easy and relax the rest of that day. Again, it was another long night of not being able to complete my tasks and I hated that feeling! It really made me thankful for Mama's health. I always thank God for the health of my family and children but rarely thank Him for keeping ME safe and healthy. It was a great reminder to thank God for keeping His hand on our whole family! Be thankful for your health! Not every Mother is able to raise their children or tend to their home the way they wish they could. Some Mother's would give anything to be able to wash their own laundry, do their own dishes, bathe their children, and so on. Be thankful that you have these "nuisances" because it means you're healthy enough to take care of them! Thank you Lord!

Breakfast is the most unhealthy meal of our day.

Last night we took the kids to Subway for dinner. We always get them a cookie but they only get the cookie if they eat all of their sandwich. Well, they did not eat all of their sandwiches so the cookies stayed in the bag. Normally, prior to this pregnancy and my workout & healthy food obsession, I would have taken care of them, by eating them myself, after the kids went to bed. Well, I did not this time. Roll on to this morning. The kids are up and STARVING at 7:30am and I'm still exhausted. While trying to figure out breakfast my children found their cookies from last night. And what do I do about it? Turn a blind eye and let them eat, of course! I figure I can make up for it with super nitrient sense foods later on. And no, I don't feed them cookies for breakfast ever! How do you feel about letting your kids eat junk foods like cookies?

Mommy Burn-out!

My day starts out with a wake up call from my 9 month old nursling daughter around 6:30am or so. This is followed shortly by a knock on the bedroom door of my two Sons around 7:00am, give or take about 20 minutes. After everyone is up and diapers changed and dressed for the day, breakfast preperation takes place. Breakfast is always crazy because inevitably someone doesn't want whatever I've made. Breakfast with 3 very young children is messy and always results in 20 minutes of clean up, including an outfit change for at least one child....Maybe I should stop changing them out of their pj's before breakfast and just do 1 outfit change in the morning??? Anyway, following breakfast and all of its clean up we end up involved in some train track building or tower constructing. Next is another round of diaper changes followed by more free play. Once the kids get bored with said free play we head into the kitchen for some painting or play doh which again results in more clean up. Now it's lunch time so the kids typically watch a quick show while I'm cooking. Lunch time is again messy and results in another outfit change and diaper change right before nap time. If it's a "good day" the boys will go down easily and I'll be able to nurse Shaelyn to sleep shortly after they're down. I'll hopefully get in an hour nap, which honestly never feels long enough, although I'm very thankful for any amount of rest I get during the day! Post naps means another round of diaper changes followed quickly by snack time! Snack time is always intented to be something easy yet healthy, meaning grapes and cheese or strawberries and yogurt, etc....although I must admit popcorn is easier in my opinion! Post snack equals books and a good try at time outisde. Quite frankly I find it almost impossible to get outside everyday during the winter simply because it takes 20 minutes to get everyone bundled up in their snow gear only to be outside for 5 minutes before someone is complaining of being cold. My children run circles, no seriously, they literally place any toy on the middle of our living room floor and run circles around it for 20 minutes at a time, 2 or 3 times a day, so I'm not too concerend about their physical activity level, but the vitamin d we're not getting from the sun is annoying. Anyway, after our afternoon activities have commenced it's time for dinner prep which is my least favorite time of day because my daughter begins to melt down around this time making it torture for her if I leave her to play by herself, or for me if I choose to struggle to cook while holding her. Dinner is eaten around 6:30pm and then it's bath time for all 3 children at the same time followed by another diaper changes, brushing teeth, and a movie before bed time. Bed time never comes soon enough and the count down typically begins around 8:00pm with the "30 minutes until bedtime" warning that I excitedly share with the boys. If all goes well the boys go down without a fight, which is rare...although, they really do go to bed easily compared to a lot of other children and I'm so thankful for that (I contribute it to the bed time warnings that we provide in order to prepare them for the dreaded time)! Once they're in bed, Shaelyn is fed and put to sleep. This is the time I can either go to bed at a decent time, (Ha, I'm a total night owl) or I can watch tv or read to "unwind". I almost always choose to stay up far too late watching tv. I hit the hay around 10:30pm only to get a few hours of sleep before one of the 3 children needs a drink of water, nursed, a diaper change, a bad dream prayed for, etc.

How many of you can relate to a schedule somewhat like this one? Please don't get me wrong, I LOVE my children and I am SO THANKFUL I get to stay home with them! However, if a Banker or Butcher, Doctor, or Teacher had to work 7 days a week, 365 days a year, 24 hours a day, they would go crazy! They get weekends (or days off during the week) off as well as vacation time and sick days. They get to step away for a lunch break, etc. Mamas are typically home all day everyday except for the occasional Moms Group or Church service, if they're so lucky to be able to attend such events. A Mamas job is never over and is a lot more emotionally involved than most jobs. I'm not saying that my Husband doesn't work hard day in and day out. I'm so thankful he works hard to support us. I'm simply saying, Mama burn out is inevitable IF we're not drawing from our Maker! It says in the Word that we are to do everything as if we're doing it for God, Colossians 3:23. If the Lord was here and I was doing these things for Him would I grumble or be thankful for the opportunity to serve Him? It also says what a gift children are, Psalm 127:3. Children are a heritage from the Lord, meaning he's gifted them to us, not the other way around!!! God tells us to seek him for our strength, Isaiah 40:29. If we cling to the Lord and his Word we will have the endurance to run this race of Motherhood! He chose ME to parent these children and He chose YOU to parent your children! Seek Him and he won't let you down! I promise!!

Miscarriage of Aubrey Anne - Graphic Details

Christmas 2011 was slightly insane! Christmas Eve was spent up at Grandma Schwartz's house and was a great time as always. The kids did so great and were quite well-behaved. Unfortunately, we found out the week before that our baby no longer had a heart beat. The day after my birthday I started cramping and had a gush of blood. Ultrasound confirmed our fears that the baby was with Jesus. We allowed the miscarriage to proceed naturally but were on the lookout for hemorrhaging like we had with our first loss, Uriah. Back to Christmas Eve. The kids had a great time seeing everybody. The boys especially loved running up and down Great Grandma's long hallway. They all had fun opening and playing with their new gifts as well. I began cramping noticeably so we decided to head home so I could rest and be in our house if the miscarriage actually completed then. We made it home around 9:30pm and got the kids to bed. We went to sleep shortly there after looking forward to Christmas day! We woke up the next day and went to breakfast with my Mom and Sister before heading off to our church where Jeremy's family was hosting Christmas. I began cramping pretty intensely during breakfast but prayed we could enjoy our Christmas with our families. Lunch time at the church rolls around and the kids are not eating but rather running around. I'm feeling worse as time goes on and pretty much know the miscarriage is happening now. We were able to open 90% of the gifts before I really begin cramping and bleeding. I had brought supplies with to the church but not enough so Jeremy had to run home to get more. He got back to the church and I ended up losing some large, golf ball sized clots. During one trip to the restroom after losing, what I thought was just a clot, Jeremy had come with me and we realized the cloth was actually our baby. She came out perfectly formed! We could see her hands and feet, her eyes, and even her spine. She was perfect even in such a small package. I was devastated and not prepared for that. We were told the baby would not be recognizable and that it would just be tissue and clots....wrong!!! We wrapped her in a gift box and headed home so I could rest and we could recover. Unfortunately on the way home the cramping really picked up as did the bleeding. By the time we got home I was hemorrhaging and badly so we dropped the kids off with my Mom and headed into the ER. The admitting nurse didn't believe me when I told her I was hemorrhaging so she had me wait for a nurse to come get me from the waiting room. Nobody truly knew how much blood I was losing until I stood up from the wheelchair and it was pouring down my legs out of my pants, onto the floor. Shortly thereafter I was assessed and deemed not stable enough to transport to the hospital that my OB's staff. So an on-call Doctor was called in to preform an emergency D&C. The ER doctor couldn't even get the bleeding to slow down enough to fully asses how much blood I was losing. After all was said and done, they estimated I lost around 40% of my blood but thankfully I didn't need a transfusion. We headed home shortly after the surgery and were able to grieve the loss of our child. We had her remains cremated and the urn now rests in our room with the things we have from her loss and her big brother's loss as well. We are obviously saddened by the loss of our precious baby girl but know she is with Jesus and we will see her again someday!

Life is an adventure!!!

Life with three kids under three years old is chaotic, exhausting, stressful, expensive and amazing all at the same time! We're adding another little lady to our brood come October so we'll have four under four! We lost what would have been our fifth child on Christmas day, 2011. We feel she was a girl and named her Aubrey Anne. We miss her everyday but place our hope in the fact that she's in Heaven with her big brother Uriah, our Creator God and we'll see them all again some day! We are expecting another little one around October 4th and we found out last week that it's another GIRL! We're over the moon excited! It just seems like the perfect little family with two older boys and two younger girls! We're still working on a name but nothing seems to fit just right. So far everything is going smoothly with this pregnancy. Baby Girl is measuring big but that just means healthy! We will be delivering her, provided we make it there in time, at Woodwinds Hospital with a wonderful OB who assisted in the emergency D&C needed after we lost Aubrey. He's a great Doctor who we trust and know will take great care of this pregnancy and will allow us to labor and deliver how we wish! We're still in the same home, Jeremy is still at the same job, and Joy is still pregnant! We've decided this will be our last baby, which is sad since we're closing that door, but at the same time brings peace. We're looking forward to raising our brood to follow Christ and praying we can be the best for them! We love going to the Zoo, walks to the park, swimming in the backyard, having bonfires, and grilling out. Building train tracks, painting, being silly and loving every minute of this crazy life is what we do everyday! A few weeks ago we went to the Drive-In to watch the movie "The Lorax". The kids did surprisingly well, especially considering it got quite chilly and they were up four HOURS past their bedtimes. They all stayed awake the whole movie and were content watching it! That says a lot about the movie, which was really cute! The kids are typical brothers and sister and fight with the best of them but yet are great friends. They're getting better at sharing and caring but we try to remember they're still only 3, 2 and 1. Basically that's us right now. We're busy, tired, busy, tired, on a tight budget and login' in! Our children are our world and we love them more than words can express.

Saying goodbye to Aubrey

On Monday, December 19th, yes - the day after my birthday - I had some cramping in the morning. I didn't think much of it because I've cramped through all of my pregnancies. I went about getting ready for my first Midwife appointment. The cramping got far worse and around 12:30pm I felt a small gush. I freaked knowing what had just happened. Sure enough, it was blood. I quickly changed plans to go to the ER vs my normal appointment. I know that my clinic doesn't have an ultrasound machine on site and wanted confirmation as to what was happening. Called Jeremy to ask him to meet me at the ER and warned my Sister, who was watching our other 3 children, that the 2 hours I was planning to be gone originally would probably be more like 5 hours.

I arrived at the ER around 1:00pm and was taken back right away. Jeremy showed up around 1:25pm. I had blood drawn and then the ultrasound. I already knew we had miscarried but tried to remain hopeful. I didn't look at the ultrasound screen right away because the tech made it seem like I shouldn't. I had told Jeremy he had to tell me what he saw, or didn't see, after the scan. During the ultrasound I felt the need to look. I needed to see for myself that our baby was no longer living or I wouldn't have been able to find closure. I turned my head just in time to see that awful flat line flashing on the screen. I went numb. I can't describe the feeling of seeing your child's heart flat lined. I was devastated.

We were brought back to our room where we were diagnosed with a "Fetal Demise". Our baby, who should have been 11 weeks 1 day, had stopped growing at 9w 2d. My greatest concern is that my child suffered any pain during her death. I pray it was a peaceful, "passing while she slept" type deal but won't know that until I meet her.

We feel that this baby was a girl and have named her Aubrey. She blessed us so much in the short 11 weeks she was "with" us. She reminded us that life is fragile and far too short. She reminded us to cherish the children that we have. She brought us together as a family. We will always miss her. We're thankful that she's dancing on streets of gold with her Savior, family that have gone before and her big Brother Urijah. We look forward to the day we finally get to see what she looks like!

We love you Aubrey!!!
Rest in Jesus sweet Girl!
12/19/2011

We miss you too Urijah!!!
Have fun with your Sister!
11/06/2007

Yelling is my downfall!

I try to be a "Peaceful Parent" in that I don't view spankings as effective for my children, I try to give my children control of their lives, whenever possible, vs always being the dictator Mama, and I despise yelling at my children. As much aa I hate yelling at my little ones it happens daily, sometimes hourly. I recently read an article, that I will share below, giving tips on how to avoid yelling while parenting children. I have to say that the Author hit the nail on the head. She believes that parents/adults yell when they've seemingly run out of alternative options. I must say that my yelling always comes when A) more than 1 child is needing assistance or "melting down" at a time B) I'm tired C) I'm nursing my DD. I get overwhelmed, frustrated, upset that I can't make all right with the world, or at least my 3 little people. What I'm slowly learning is that yelling only revs up the situation. Yelling raises the stress and tension in an already tender moment. So, I've decided to take on a "Whisper Challenge". Next time a situation arises where I feel the urge to yell I will simply whisper instead. I'm sure my children will be caught off guard and probably find it quite humorous. How do you diffuse a stressful moment without yelling?
http://www.authenticparenting.info/2011/12/10-things-not-to-do-to-upset-child-and.html?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+AuthenticParenting+%28Authentic+Parenting%29&utm_content=Google+Reader&m=1">">

Life gets so busy!

I started this blog in hopes of writing down the funny, good, bad, happy, sad, and every other emotion in between when it comes to my family! I've become so busy and overtaken by the day-to-day duties of my wonderful Husband, 3 children under 3 years old, a cat, a Dog, dishes, laundry, cooking, bills, pregnancy and everything else that life entails that I've forgotten to stop and relish in these moments!

So here goes:

My Husband, Jeremy, is an amazing Partner, Father, Hard-working Man of God! He truly lifts me up when I am weak, reminds me to be content in our here & now, keeps me sane, and most importantly, he loves me despite my MANY flaws! He's a great sounding board who supports my incessant research and gab fests about everything from pregnancy and delivery to vaccines and vitamins! He's the love of my life and I still can't believe I get to be his Wife! This January 26th marks our 5th year Anniversary! During our fifth year od wedded bliss we'll have 4 children, 3 pets (technically I'm counting the tank of fish as 1 pet), 2 paid-off vehicles, and 1 roof over our heads to be thankful for!

Jacobi is now 3 years old and while he can be rough and tumble like any boy, he loves to be the comforter! He's fascinated with letters, dinosaurs, and painting with his hands. He prays for us when we're sick or injured believing God will heal! He can count to 10 and knows random letters, although colors are still sketchy. He thoroughly enjoys running and can't get enough time outside. He's an absolute blessing and we're so thankful for our Cobi!

Micah is just 3 months shy of being 2 years old! He's got an incredibly sensitive heart and while he doesn't cuddle too often, it melts your heart when he does. He's learning more and more words everyday and constantly surprising us with his budding vocabulary. His favorite past time as of now is playing with his big lions, elephants, and giraffes! He's so patient with his little sister, letting her massage his head almost daily. He too loves running and playing outside as much as possible. He's our best eater and can clear his plate 2 or 3 times each meal.

Shaelyn is 9 months old! She's been in our arms now as long as she was in my womb. Such a bittersweet time! She's been crawling since 6 months and can cruise around the furniture with ease. She's waving, kissing, high-fiving, and saying basic words like "Mama" "Bye Bye" and "Hi". She's a cuddler and a lover! Still nursing although getting better at taking a bottle. She's also a good eater who loves grapes, carrots, green beans, crackers, and stealing whatever food or beverage her older Brothers have! She's sleeping in her own bed now & doing so well....no cry it out for that little love-bug! She's been a much needed addition to our household!

We're currently 9 weeks pregnant with our next child! We won't be finding out the gender of this baby until D-day! Cobi thinks Boy and although we'll love whatever, we're hoping another Girl to even it out! I guess we'll see come July!

Painful lessons taught by my 2 year old!

The other day Cobi and I went to Target to buy a few things. It was a great date with just Cobi! We gathered everything we wanted to buy and headed to the check-out. Cobi has learned that we have to pay for things before we can take them/open them/eat them, etc. We paid for everything and walked out to the car..... Upon reaching the car Cobi pulled out a pair of dress shoes he had picked out for his sister, Shaelyn. The shoes had fallen in between him and the side of the cart and I hadn't noticed them at check-out so we didn't pay for them. Cobi immediately says, "Pay for it? We not pay for it". I honestly wanted to just put them in the van and drive away. I wanted to look at it as a "blessing from above". I didn't want to walk back into the store and pay the $8.00 they cost. I quickly wrestled the above emotions and decided that I want my Son to grow up knowing it's wrong to steal regardless of if it was "stolen" on purpose or on accident. So....we turned around and headed back into the store to pay for it! I went back to the same lady who had checked us out the first time and explained the situation. She gave me the oddest look, as if to say, why on earth didn't you just take them and GO!?! I told her I wanted my Son to learn right lessons from a young age. She did thank us for our honesty. As tough as it was to not run away with the free shoes it felt great to know that when Cobi is older I can honestly tell him we don't steal....regardless of the situation! I know he probably won't ever remember that day or those shoes, but I pray he'll learn how to act rightly!