On Monday, December 19th, yes - the day after my birthday - I had some cramping in the morning. I didn't think much of it because I've cramped through all of my pregnancies. I went about getting ready for my first Midwife appointment. The cramping got far worse and around 12:30pm I felt a small gush. I freaked knowing what had just happened. Sure enough, it was blood. I quickly changed plans to go to the ER vs my normal appointment. I know that my clinic doesn't have an ultrasound machine on site and wanted confirmation as to what was happening. Called Jeremy to ask him to meet me at the ER and warned my Sister, who was watching our other 3 children, that the 2 hours I was planning to be gone originally would probably be more like 5 hours.
I arrived at the ER around 1:00pm and was taken back right away. Jeremy showed up around 1:25pm. I had blood drawn and then the ultrasound. I already knew we had miscarried but tried to remain hopeful. I didn't look at the ultrasound screen right away because the tech made it seem like I shouldn't. I had told Jeremy he had to tell me what he saw, or didn't see, after the scan. During the ultrasound I felt the need to look. I needed to see for myself that our baby was no longer living or I wouldn't have been able to find closure. I turned my head just in time to see that awful flat line flashing on the screen. I went numb. I can't describe the feeling of seeing your child's heart flat lined. I was devastated.
We were brought back to our room where we were diagnosed with a "Fetal Demise". Our baby, who should have been 11 weeks 1 day, had stopped growing at 9w 2d. My greatest concern is that my child suffered any pain during her death. I pray it was a peaceful, "passing while she slept" type deal but won't know that until I meet her.
We feel that this baby was a girl and have named her Aubrey. She blessed us so much in the short 11 weeks she was "with" us. She reminded us that life is fragile and far too short. She reminded us to cherish the children that we have. She brought us together as a family. We will always miss her. We're thankful that she's dancing on streets of gold with her Savior, family that have gone before and her big Brother Urijah. We look forward to the day we finally get to see what she looks like!
We love you Aubrey!!!
Rest in Jesus sweet Girl!
12/19/2011
We miss you too Urijah!!!
Have fun with your Sister!
11/06/2007
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