On Monday, December 19th, yes - the day after my birthday - I had some cramping in the morning. I didn't think much of it because I've cramped through all of my pregnancies. I went about getting ready for my first Midwife appointment. The cramping got far worse and around 12:30pm I felt a small gush. I freaked knowing what had just happened. Sure enough, it was blood. I quickly changed plans to go to the ER vs my normal appointment. I know that my clinic doesn't have an ultrasound machine on site and wanted confirmation as to what was happening. Called Jeremy to ask him to meet me at the ER and warned my Sister, who was watching our other 3 children, that the 2 hours I was planning to be gone originally would probably be more like 5 hours.
I arrived at the ER around 1:00pm and was taken back right away. Jeremy showed up around 1:25pm. I had blood drawn and then the ultrasound. I already knew we had miscarried but tried to remain hopeful. I didn't look at the ultrasound screen right away because the tech made it seem like I shouldn't. I had told Jeremy he had to tell me what he saw, or didn't see, after the scan. During the ultrasound I felt the need to look. I needed to see for myself that our baby was no longer living or I wouldn't have been able to find closure. I turned my head just in time to see that awful flat line flashing on the screen. I went numb. I can't describe the feeling of seeing your child's heart flat lined. I was devastated.
We were brought back to our room where we were diagnosed with a "Fetal Demise". Our baby, who should have been 11 weeks 1 day, had stopped growing at 9w 2d. My greatest concern is that my child suffered any pain during her death. I pray it was a peaceful, "passing while she slept" type deal but won't know that until I meet her.
We feel that this baby was a girl and have named her Aubrey. She blessed us so much in the short 11 weeks she was "with" us. She reminded us that life is fragile and far too short. She reminded us to cherish the children that we have. She brought us together as a family. We will always miss her. We're thankful that she's dancing on streets of gold with her Savior, family that have gone before and her big Brother Urijah. We look forward to the day we finally get to see what she looks like!
We love you Aubrey!!!
Rest in Jesus sweet Girl!
12/19/2011
We miss you too Urijah!!!
Have fun with your Sister!
11/06/2007
Thursday, December 22, 2011
Saturday, December 10, 2011
Thursday, December 8, 2011
Yelling is my downfall!
I try to be a "Peaceful Parent" in that I don't view spankings as effective for my children, I try to give my children control of their lives, whenever possible, vs always being the dictator Mama, and I despise yelling at my children. As much aa I hate yelling at my little ones it happens daily, sometimes hourly. I recently read an article, that I will share below, giving tips on how to avoid yelling while parenting children. I have to say that the Author hit the nail on the head. She believes that parents/adults yell when they've seemingly run out of alternative options. I must say that my yelling always comes when A) more than 1 child is needing assistance or "melting down" at a time B) I'm tired C) I'm nursing my DD. I get overwhelmed, frustrated, upset that I can't make all right with the world, or at least my 3 little people. What I'm slowly learning is that yelling only revs up the situation. Yelling raises the stress and tension in an already tender moment. So, I've decided to take on a "Whisper Challenge". Next time a situation arises where I feel the urge to yell I will simply whisper instead. I'm sure my children will be caught off guard and probably find it quite humorous. How do you diffuse a stressful moment without yelling?
http://www.authenticparenting.info/2011/12/10-things-not-to-do-to-upset-child-and.html?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+AuthenticParenting+%28Authentic+Parenting%29&utm_content=Google+Reader&m=1">">
http://www.authenticparenting.info/2011/12/10-things-not-to-do-to-upset-child-and.html?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+AuthenticParenting+%28Authentic+Parenting%29&utm_content=Google+Reader&m=1">">
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
Life gets so busy!
I started this blog in hopes of writing down the funny, good, bad, happy, sad, and every other emotion in between when it comes to my family! I've become so busy and overtaken by the day-to-day duties of my wonderful Husband, 3 children under 3 years old, a cat, a Dog, dishes, laundry, cooking, bills, pregnancy and everything else that life entails that I've forgotten to stop and relish in these moments!
So here goes:
My Husband, Jeremy, is an amazing Partner, Father, Hard-working Man of God! He truly lifts me up when I am weak, reminds me to be content in our here & now, keeps me sane, and most importantly, he loves me despite my MANY flaws! He's a great sounding board who supports my incessant research and gab fests about everything from pregnancy and delivery to vaccines and vitamins! He's the love of my life and I still can't believe I get to be his Wife! This January 26th marks our 5th year Anniversary! During our fifth year od wedded bliss we'll have 4 children, 3 pets (technically I'm counting the tank of fish as 1 pet), 2 paid-off vehicles, and 1 roof over our heads to be thankful for!
Jacobi is now 3 years old and while he can be rough and tumble like any boy, he loves to be the comforter! He's fascinated with letters, dinosaurs, and painting with his hands. He prays for us when we're sick or injured believing God will heal! He can count to 10 and knows random letters, although colors are still sketchy. He thoroughly enjoys running and can't get enough time outside. He's an absolute blessing and we're so thankful for our Cobi!
Micah is just 3 months shy of being 2 years old! He's got an incredibly sensitive heart and while he doesn't cuddle too often, it melts your heart when he does. He's learning more and more words everyday and constantly surprising us with his budding vocabulary. His favorite past time as of now is playing with his big lions, elephants, and giraffes! He's so patient with his little sister, letting her massage his head almost daily. He too loves running and playing outside as much as possible. He's our best eater and can clear his plate 2 or 3 times each meal.
Shaelyn is 9 months old! She's been in our arms now as long as she was in my womb. Such a bittersweet time! She's been crawling since 6 months and can cruise around the furniture with ease. She's waving, kissing, high-fiving, and saying basic words like "Mama" "Bye Bye" and "Hi". She's a cuddler and a lover! Still nursing although getting better at taking a bottle. She's also a good eater who loves grapes, carrots, green beans, crackers, and stealing whatever food or beverage her older Brothers have! She's sleeping in her own bed now & doing so well....no cry it out for that little love-bug! She's been a much needed addition to our household!
We're currently 9 weeks pregnant with our next child! We won't be finding out the gender of this baby until D-day! Cobi thinks Boy and although we'll love whatever, we're hoping another Girl to even it out! I guess we'll see come July!
So here goes:
My Husband, Jeremy, is an amazing Partner, Father, Hard-working Man of God! He truly lifts me up when I am weak, reminds me to be content in our here & now, keeps me sane, and most importantly, he loves me despite my MANY flaws! He's a great sounding board who supports my incessant research and gab fests about everything from pregnancy and delivery to vaccines and vitamins! He's the love of my life and I still can't believe I get to be his Wife! This January 26th marks our 5th year Anniversary! During our fifth year od wedded bliss we'll have 4 children, 3 pets (technically I'm counting the tank of fish as 1 pet), 2 paid-off vehicles, and 1 roof over our heads to be thankful for!
Jacobi is now 3 years old and while he can be rough and tumble like any boy, he loves to be the comforter! He's fascinated with letters, dinosaurs, and painting with his hands. He prays for us when we're sick or injured believing God will heal! He can count to 10 and knows random letters, although colors are still sketchy. He thoroughly enjoys running and can't get enough time outside. He's an absolute blessing and we're so thankful for our Cobi!
Micah is just 3 months shy of being 2 years old! He's got an incredibly sensitive heart and while he doesn't cuddle too often, it melts your heart when he does. He's learning more and more words everyday and constantly surprising us with his budding vocabulary. His favorite past time as of now is playing with his big lions, elephants, and giraffes! He's so patient with his little sister, letting her massage his head almost daily. He too loves running and playing outside as much as possible. He's our best eater and can clear his plate 2 or 3 times each meal.
Shaelyn is 9 months old! She's been in our arms now as long as she was in my womb. Such a bittersweet time! She's been crawling since 6 months and can cruise around the furniture with ease. She's waving, kissing, high-fiving, and saying basic words like "Mama" "Bye Bye" and "Hi". She's a cuddler and a lover! Still nursing although getting better at taking a bottle. She's also a good eater who loves grapes, carrots, green beans, crackers, and stealing whatever food or beverage her older Brothers have! She's sleeping in her own bed now & doing so well....no cry it out for that little love-bug! She's been a much needed addition to our household!
We're currently 9 weeks pregnant with our next child! We won't be finding out the gender of this baby until D-day! Cobi thinks Boy and although we'll love whatever, we're hoping another Girl to even it out! I guess we'll see come July!
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
Painful lessons taught by my 2 year old!
The other day Cobi and I went to Target to buy a few things. It was a great date with just Cobi! We gathered everything we wanted to buy and headed to the check-out. Cobi has learned that we have to pay for things before we can take them/open them/eat them, etc. We paid for everything and walked out to the car..... Upon reaching the car Cobi pulled out a pair of dress shoes he had picked out for his sister, Shaelyn. The shoes had fallen in between him and the side of the cart and I hadn't noticed them at check-out so we didn't pay for them. Cobi immediately says, "Pay for it? We not pay for it". I honestly wanted to just put them in the van and drive away. I wanted to look at it as a "blessing from above". I didn't want to walk back into the store and pay the $8.00 they cost. I quickly wrestled the above emotions and decided that I want my Son to grow up knowing it's wrong to steal regardless of if it was "stolen" on purpose or on accident. So....we turned around and headed back into the store to pay for it! I went back to the same lady who had checked us out the first time and explained the situation. She gave me the oddest look, as if to say, why on earth didn't you just take them and GO!?! I told her I wanted my Son to learn right lessons from a young age. She did thank us for our honesty. As tough as it was to not run away with the free shoes it felt great to know that when Cobi is older I can honestly tell him we don't steal....regardless of the situation! I know he probably won't ever remember that day or those shoes, but I pray he'll learn how to act rightly!
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Can I really be obsessive compulsive if my house is a disaster zone?
I've always "suffered" with OCD. I've never viewed it as a curse though as everyone likes a clean home. Before children my house was always obnoxiously clean. I loved scrubbing my bathroom countertops, vacumming was a relaxing thing to me, and my fridge was white as the day it was purchased! Now that I have children......lets just say my fridge is not quite the bright white it used to be. I'm lucky if I vacuum once a day (although I'm technically not supposed to vacuum until 6 weeks postpartum.....shhh, don't tell my Midwife!). Toys are strewn about everywhere, including little mines running down the stairs just waiting to trip you up and send you flying down the steps if you mistakenly carry a basket of laundry down before cleaning them off. Dishes are always piled above my head in the sink and I don't feel like the dishwasher can keep up with our demand and it's only going to get worse once my Daycare starts back up. Laundry seems to multiply faster than my brain can comprehend. Micah ran out of pj's 3 nights ago and has been wearing sweat pants and a onesie to bed until today when I FINALLY got 5 loads done.
I often find myself too exhausted to even move from the couch to get any cleaning done. I realize that I would be a lot less stressed and hence would feel more energetic if I would just get up and get it done. The mess makes me go nuts and then gets overwhelming so I don't know where to start and then it gets worse and worse....see the revolving problem developing! I feel like a failure when my Husband arrives home from work. I often wonder if he's thinking, "she stays home ALL day, what could she possibly be doing that prevents her from doing some form of cleaning"? I know he doesn't feel this way, especially after being home for a month before and after Shaelyn was born. He understands that 3 children 2 and under is a LOT of work and that just getting my teeth brushed means I've accomplished a lot.
I'm always striving to be the Proverbs 31 wife. Mainting a clean home, being wise with my spending, making home cooked meals, etc. I have come to realize, however, that there is a season for everything. In this current season of diapers, diapers, diapers, middle of the night nursings, owies to kiss, baths to give, and laundry, and dishes to be done, life is simply about survival right now. The immaculate house, gourmet style home cooked meals every night, and "got it all together" Mama will happen LATER!
My children will only be 2.5, 1, and 4 weeks old for today! Soon they'll be in school, driving, and eeek, dare I say it....dating, getting married, and having their own children! I'll relish these moments where they still need me and aren't emberassed to give me a hug and kiss, in fact they request them! I'll change poopy diapers until the cows come home, nursing my baby at 3:00am until I'm delirious from exhaustion....wait, I'm already there! I'll break up squabbles, make lunches that they, "don't like", wash dishes, do laundry, and wipe snotty noses and I'll love it! Life is not about the things you do for people it's about the people you do things with! I'm so blessed to have Jacobi, Micah, and Shaelyn! I love my children with all my heart and couldn't ask for more wonderful gifts! My Husband loves me and does everything for me and for him I am truly greatful!
A little tip I got from a very wise Mama: when stressing over the dirty dishes, mounds of laundry to do, bills to pay, etc....be thankful for the food you have to dirty the dishes you're blessed with. Be thankful for the clothing you have that is pretty and isn't falling apart! Be thankful for the washer and dryer you have to clean those clothes! Be thankful for the job that brings in the money to pay the cell phone bill, electric bill, heating bill, cable bill, mortgage, car loan, etc! Life could be far harder than it is!!!
Have a great Thursday and remember that all things are possible through Christ who gives you strength!
I often find myself too exhausted to even move from the couch to get any cleaning done. I realize that I would be a lot less stressed and hence would feel more energetic if I would just get up and get it done. The mess makes me go nuts and then gets overwhelming so I don't know where to start and then it gets worse and worse....see the revolving problem developing! I feel like a failure when my Husband arrives home from work. I often wonder if he's thinking, "she stays home ALL day, what could she possibly be doing that prevents her from doing some form of cleaning"? I know he doesn't feel this way, especially after being home for a month before and after Shaelyn was born. He understands that 3 children 2 and under is a LOT of work and that just getting my teeth brushed means I've accomplished a lot.
I'm always striving to be the Proverbs 31 wife. Mainting a clean home, being wise with my spending, making home cooked meals, etc. I have come to realize, however, that there is a season for everything. In this current season of diapers, diapers, diapers, middle of the night nursings, owies to kiss, baths to give, and laundry, and dishes to be done, life is simply about survival right now. The immaculate house, gourmet style home cooked meals every night, and "got it all together" Mama will happen LATER!
My children will only be 2.5, 1, and 4 weeks old for today! Soon they'll be in school, driving, and eeek, dare I say it....dating, getting married, and having their own children! I'll relish these moments where they still need me and aren't emberassed to give me a hug and kiss, in fact they request them! I'll change poopy diapers until the cows come home, nursing my baby at 3:00am until I'm delirious from exhaustion....wait, I'm already there! I'll break up squabbles, make lunches that they, "don't like", wash dishes, do laundry, and wipe snotty noses and I'll love it! Life is not about the things you do for people it's about the people you do things with! I'm so blessed to have Jacobi, Micah, and Shaelyn! I love my children with all my heart and couldn't ask for more wonderful gifts! My Husband loves me and does everything for me and for him I am truly greatful!
A little tip I got from a very wise Mama: when stressing over the dirty dishes, mounds of laundry to do, bills to pay, etc....be thankful for the food you have to dirty the dishes you're blessed with. Be thankful for the clothing you have that is pretty and isn't falling apart! Be thankful for the washer and dryer you have to clean those clothes! Be thankful for the job that brings in the money to pay the cell phone bill, electric bill, heating bill, cable bill, mortgage, car loan, etc! Life could be far harder than it is!!!
Have a great Thursday and remember that all things are possible through Christ who gives you strength!
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